Joke: Voodoo dick

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a
long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort,
so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her
occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the
idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store
that sold sex toys and started looking around.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old
man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old
man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will
do the trick, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and
there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. He pointed to a
door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose
out of its box, darted over to the door, and started
screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before
the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get
back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to
the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he
finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to
his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use
it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He
left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while
he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably
horny. She thought of several people who would willingly
satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She
got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo
dick shot to her and started pumping. It was great, like
nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms,
she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but
it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to
get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to
tell her how to shut it off.

So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could
help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to
drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the
dildo.

On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the
road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for
her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her, and
wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea,
right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"